Tasha's not so private journal

Yup......

2009-11-21T19:40:43Z

So about a few days ago, I just discovered something that I should've realized about three years ago;

I NEED NEW FRIENDS!!!!!!1

Seriously, I think that is the cornerstone of my depression. It's because I don't have enough friends to support me. My family has been awesome and supportive lately, but they can only do so much, y'know. I feel like I missed out on alot of awesome things because I didn't have enough friends to do them with.

And it's not because I'm shy (I'm still am but I'm alot more outgoing than I was two years ago) but I can also be cynical and a huge misanthrope. Like I'm too quick to internally judge people. I don't think I've ever been so wanting of something yet so afraid of at the same time.

But I'm going to a rave in downtown Berkeley tonight so I should meet some new people there. Right? :)

(And btw, Tati, if you're reading this, this is not an attack on you at all. You're awesome and have been an awesome friend all these years. Keep being fierce!)

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2009-09-05T01:01:13Z

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Insert some inspirational quote about the bright future here.

2009-08-02T22:53:54Z

On Friday, something happend that I've been waiting to happen for atleast more than two years.

I'm finally being treated medically for my depression and anxiety.

Currently, I'm on Zoloft and my dose if a half a pill a day (those pills are tiny!). I just started taking them on Friday. My mom and my psychiatrist told me that I wouldn't really notice a change until one or two weeks but I already feel better. I know anti depressants aren't magic pills that will miraciously wish my problems away but knowing for the first time in years, I'm taking a big step forward. I think this will mark a new chapter in my life.

On with other stuff.......

Since the Chemistry class I was supposed to take didn't go through and I've been let go of my job, I've had alot of free time for myself. I've been watching alot of Tv and movies. I started watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia but then I got bored of it during the second season. Don't get me wrong, I find it really funny but I don't think it's one of those shows I can watch for five hours straight. I need to get back to it though. I've also been watching Mad Men, which is really good. I'm still on the first season and since it's an hour long show, it's gonna take forever to get through but it's worth it. I heard season 3 is gonna start up again this month which makes me really excited. After I watch that series, I'm gonna start watching True Blood.

As for movies, I was watching The Wicker Man remake with Nicolas Cage on Thursday night. Forget about anything bad you heard about that movie. It's hilarious. Whoever said it was the best comedy of 2006 is right. Seriously, check it out. The whole thing is a lolfest. On Friday night, I got high and watched Showgirls. All. Of. It. And not the hilariously bad edited on Vh1. The unedited version. Thing is, I was high, and while I was aware of how awful the movie was, I was also really getting into it. Like I was really enjoying it. Until that really graphic and gratoius rape scene kinda dragged me out of the movie and then I realized how bad it was. If I wasn't on something, I don't think I would've gotten through the whole thing.

And I just got back from seeing 500 Days of Summer and it's really good. Joesph Gordon-Levitt is amazing. I would never imagined that the kid from Third Rock from the Sun would grow up to be hot but I was wrong. My favorite part was the soundtrack, which I just downloaded (but then again, that was partly because have WAY too much dance/electronic music in my iTunes library right now and need something to even it out).

Como Esta, Bitches!!

2009-06-15T10:38:01Z

The title comes from one of my all time favorite movies.

School's over! And I'm pretty sure I fucked up on all my finals. I'm not sure why it happened but I just wasn't engaged at all in school. I mean, I never been a straight A student at all, but other than a few Ds and Cs, my report card, for the most part has been pretty decent in the past. But this year I have actually very few strong memories of me at school (before you do mention it, while I'm definitely not straight edge, I'm not a stoner). I was very apathetic towards the whole thing. It's not that I didn't care about my grades. It's just that I was tired of the whole thing. I didn't have enough energy. I talked to my parents about this months ago. I'm now seeing a psychiatrist and I most likely be put on medication for depression and maybe ADD. I'm just happy that I'm actually taking action after these years.

Oh, and I'm leaving in a few hours to a plane to Mexico City, and then to Yucatan. It's this community service thing I'm doing for IB (my program at Berkeley High). I'm so excited! But I'm also really nervous. I don't speak any Spanish. At least in France I could get around with my pathetic French but I don't know what I'm gonna do there. I'll guess I'll try to learn a few Spanish phrases on the plane ride there.

Next post will be filled with pictures and tales of my wacky adventures in Mexico. I promise.

I gots book smartz

2009-06-09T04:05:51Z

Gezzus, I need to stop naming the titles of my entries with internet slang.

Anyway, without further ado, here's my summer reading list of 2009
Haunted by Chuck Palahnik (currently reading right now)
New Moon by Stephanie Meyer (because I hate myself. Alot)
Hot Mess: Summer In The City by Julie Kraut & Shallon Lester
I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max
American Psycho by Brent Easton Ellis (Since the movie is one of my all time favorites, I decided to give the book a try)
Less Than Zero (also) by Brent Easton Ellis (I think they also made a movie out of this in the 80s. But with RDJ)
Rumors & Envy by Anna Godberson ( Part of the Luxe series. I just finished reading the first one)
Push by Sapphire (Don't know a whole lot about this book except it's supposed to be HELLA depressing)

Anyway, that's the official one. Here's other stuff (Like summer reading for school and books I still need to finish)
The Wars by Timothy Findley (Idk, some Canadian novel about WWI)
Janye Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (I actually attempted to read that book when I was 11. I actaully understood, like the plot and stuff. But then I got bored and haven't read it since)
French Kissmass by Cathy Hapka (Some book I brought around Christmas so that I would have an appropriate themed book to read around the holiday. I actually didn't start reading it until Christmas eve. Then I abandoned it on the 26th)
Choke by Chuck Palahniuk ( I go back and forth on this one. Sometimes I think it's awesome and other times I think it's boring. Haunted is so far good though)

Soooo yeah, that's it. My goal is to finish all these books by early September (around my birthday). In other news it's my last week of school. Yay! Dear god, it was a horrible year, academic wise. I literately felt like doing nothing 85% of the time. Here's hoping senior year is different.
And in less than a week, I'll be on a plane to Mexico. The thought itself hasn't sunk in until last Thursday. It's totally freaky. But that's another story on it's own. I'll post more on that later.

j;

Music Meme!

2009-05-29T23:06:32Z

I'm pretty danm bored so I decided to do this stupid meme that probably no one is going to read. If my life was a movie, here's the soundtrack.

Opening Credits:
Kajagoogoo - Too Shy (Come to think of it, wtf kind of name is Kajagoogoo? I know it was the 80s and all but still)

Average Day:
Raphael Saadiq - Keep Marchin'

Spending time with friends:
Joy Division- Love Will Tear Us Apart (This is probably the most ill fitting song for this section. Ever)

Driving:
The Clash - The Blackrobber

Bad day:
The Cars- I'm Not The One (This is the same song that they used during the Valentine's Day scene in Billy Madison, mind you)

Fight scene:
Christina Aguilera - Genie In A Bottle

Mental breakdown:
Mandy Moore- Candy

Life is okay:
Keane- You Don't See Me

Graduation:
Daft Punk- High Life (Wow. This song actually fits)

Longing for love:
The Cars- Bye Bye Love

First glance/new crush:
Pink Spiders- Nobody Baby

Secret love:
Shakira- Whenever, Wherever

First date:
M.I.A - Paper Planes

Falling in love:
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Right On Time

Love scene:
Depeche Mode- John The Revelator (Yeah. Because there's nothing like listening to Depeche Mode while getting down and freaky)

Breaking up:
Eve 6 - Inside Out (Here's To The Night would def be more fitting)

Long night alone:
Elvis Presley - All Shook Up ( Angst = Elvis. True fact)

Wishing for love to return:
Oingo Boingo- Heard Somebody Cry

Fighting to get him/her back:
3OH!3- Don't Trust Me (Wat. The. Fuck)

Proposal:
Destiny Child- Independent Women

Wedding:
M.I.A- Bird Flu (Apparently, we went all exotic and tropical for our wedding)

Reflecting on life:
Daft Punk- Aerodynamic

Reflecting on love:
The Cars- It's All I Can Do (Lay off The Cars, iTunes shuffle. It only takes up like 2% of my iTunes library)

Death scene:
Depeche Mode - Halo

Closing credits:
My Chemical Romance- Desolation Row (Is this Watchmen all of the sudden? Wtf?)

....And I'm reminded how much I hate these things because iTunes comes up with the most lame choices with these memes. Never unintentionally hilarious. You don't know how badly I wanted "My Dick" or Khia's "My Neck, My Back (Lick It) to come up. But alas, it never did.

Twlight Sucks

2009-05-09T19:30:22Z

So I got a new laptop. His name is Trumpy. And he likes Potatoes (MST3K reference).

And I highlighted my hair. Before

After

Yeaaah, my skin isn't looking at that great in the after pics, but IDGAF at the moment.

So, in February, I started reading Twilight. Mainly for the lulz and the fact that I was going to be on a 11 hour flight to Paris and I needed something easy to read. It was kinda boring and I abandoned it after like a week. But then I reminded myself that I needed to read more and since were only reading plays in English, I was all like "Hey Natasha, why don't you finnish, Twilight?" Boy, that was a fucking stupid idea. I'm on pg 318 of that 498 pages of trainwreck fuckery. And dear lord, IT'S BAD!!!! At first, I just hated Bella and how annoying and unnecessary bitchy and snobby she was. I mean, I'm bitchy and snobby myself, but damn, this girl made me wanna bash my head against a wall. But then I read further and discovered the horror of Edward/Bella. Seriously, every sentence is how ~*amazing*~ and ~*beautiful*~ he is. It's like, okay, we get it, he's hot. Is their anything else even remotely interesting about him? Apparently not. And it's creepy how possessive and dominate Edward is over Bella. I mean, I'm not trying to come from a scary, stereotypical feminist perspective, but I cringe everytime Edward insists Bella to take his alternative because he's worrying about her safety. Usually, I would fine that sweet but the way that SMeyer executes it just puts off creeper vibes. I'm all like "Wtf Edward. You're not her dad. She can take care of herself." But then again, she really can't. She needs her Edward to be her knight in shining amour. Ugh *gag*. Way to set feminism back a thousand years, SMeyer. I'm sure Susan B. Anthony, Mary Wollstonecraft, and Margaret Sanger are all smiling down at you up in heaven.

I guess my favorite character at this point is Rosalie, who seems like the only character that can see past Bella's bullshit. And as horrible as this book is, I determined to finnish it, because I am NOT a quitter. Plus, I seriously wanna read Breaking Dawn. Everyone keeps saying how horrible it is but it sounds hilarious.

And wtf is a chagrin? No seriously.

In wasting my time with something that actually good, I finally watched Slumdog Millionaire over the weekend. It was really depressing (despite the fact that it had a happy ending) but really good nonetheless. And Dev Patel is hot. Idgaf what anyone says.

My retrun to teh livejournal

2009-04-07T07:59:47Z

Yeah, I haven't updated in a year. Stfu. I'm horrible at updating things. I've been spending most of my time on ONTD.

So, I have spring break this week, which is good because I'm really starting to hate school. Well not so much hate, it's just that I hardly have the energy to do anything there anymore. I feel like when I try to do my homework, It takes me forever to do one simple stupid assignment, so sometimes, I give up, which isn't a very wise decision, I suppose, but fuck, school is so damn stressful. The worse part is, I'm surrounded by these overachievers who do everything perfectly and never seriously fuck up when it comes to grades. I tried being like them only realizing that I'm nothing like them because my brain doesn't function like theirs does. Still, they're still times where I feel actually retarded because of my work habits.

My counselor says I still have a shot of getting into a four year university, mainly in the CalStates. I'm aiming to go to Northridge or Long Beach. I was going to take Physics next year but then my mom freaked out because I'm not doing well in Chemistry (i.e I'm failing) so she convinced my counselor to convince my to drop Physics in replace of Algebra 2 (ugh..). But on the flip side, I get to keep IB Economics and AP Art History, and drop French.

And my laptop is acting weird (again). Only this time, it's completely forgotten all my memory. It doesn't have my iTunes libary, pictures, etc. No to mention it takes FOREVER to start it up. It's really fucking weird. Ugh, I have an art piece I need to do over the break and I need to use my laptop for it. The damn thing seriously breaks at the most convenient times possible. I seriously need to get a new one. Good thing I now have a job so now I can spend my hard earned money on a new laptop. Too bad I spent half my last paycheck on $40 Kate Spade flip flops.

Actually, I don't regret that. Those are some pretty cute flip flops. But yeah, need. new. laptop.

Fuck, this thing is probably horribly written. Ah well, I'm so fucking tired.

Bitches don't know about mah literary skillz

2008-04-14T05:35:53Z

So, keeping up with my goal of 2008, I'm reading ~~moar~~ more. Currently, I'm reading Sex with Kings by Eleanor Herman. It's non fiction book about European kings and their mistresses and the shenanigans that arose from it. It's kinda hard to read but it's interesting. It's also made me hate men just a little bit. But yeah, good read.

I also brought two books from Borders this morning. Naked by David Sedaris and Back in Black from the A list series. I love David Sedaris. I remember being younger and on the way to my grandpa's or my great aunt Susan's house, my parents and I would listen to his books on tape, and how bad we cracked up at them. Ah, that man sure does bring in the lulz. As for the former, I like A list series, ~~okay?~~ and I wanted to pick up where I left off. I'm gonna read these books when I'm finished with Sex With Kings.

As for class, were reading the ever so classic 1984 by George Orwell. It's hard to follow in alot of places but after you read a few pages, you get right into it. Oh, and I'm only 30 pages into the book and I'm already shipping characters. Winston/ Brunette girl OTP!!!
C'mon it even has subtext! In one part in goes in detail on how much Winston wants to bang her. And I'm also dead serious when I say I want porn of them. And this is coming from someone who rarely reads porn in fandom.

~~Dear god. What the hell has fandom done to me?~~

I hate April Fools

2008-04-02T07:09:23Z

Well, not really. But it's probably my least favorite holiday, along with Thanksgiving(which I don't like because I don't like eating big heaps of food and you don't get presents). I don't really like April Fools because I always fall victim to the pranks, no matter how retarded they are, and I can't think of a good prank to save my life. Plus, I never been the type of person to play pranks. Telling snarky jokes have always been more of my style.

Anyway, following today's prompt, "What is the best April Fools' Day joke you've ever fallen victim to?", I guess I have to say when I was in kindergarten, probably. So I was about six. Anyhoo, My parents drove me to the doctors office. At the time I was all like "Wtf? Why are we going here? I don't have an appointment." and my mom was all like "Oh yes you do sweetie. You have to get shots. Remember?" I flipped out. I hated getting shots then, and I still do. We pulled up to the doctors building and my mom was trying to get me out but I wouldn't budge. She finally couldn't take any more and told me that it was all a joke because of April Fools day. I was so relieved. But what did afterwards was totally stupid. I decided to play a little April Fools joke on them for revenge. I gave my aunt (the driver) specific directions to a place that they didn't know about. It turned out to be H & R block, because they had some sort of tax trouble at that time or something. Looking back, that was kinda lame. But I was six, so what do you expect.

In other non related April Fools news, nothing that interesting is going on. I'm on spring break, so I'm not doing much. But on sunday, I got this really cool belt at Forever 21. But the next day it broke. So today, I went in to either get a refund or exchange but apparently the store policy doesn't allowed refund or exchange on accessories, meaning if you buy a pair of earrings and the next day, they fall apart, you're pretty much screwed. The hell? That's so retarded. I told my mom about it and she was furious. Well, it's okay. It's not like I shop at Forever 21 often anyway. I used to love that place when I was 14 but now all they seem to go hipster (which is NOT my style) and all their clothes are either sliver, gold, or green (and occasionally purple). But they do have some cute earirngs. But yeah, Wet Seal FTW!! They inspired me to color code my closet.

This week en general..

2008-03-24T05:29:57Z

Monday was St. Patrick (my third favorite holiday). I honored my Irish heritage by wearing green and listening to Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphys. While I did have a Guinness, I didn't get drunk though. It would've been dumb though, considering it was a monday (which IMO, is the worst day of the week to have St. Paddy's day, if you ask me)

Tuesday was my mom's birthday but she actually really celebrated it on wenesday. I always thought that the fact that her birthday was the day after St. Patrick's day kinda sucked. I mean, just imagine. I super hungover after a wild and fabulous night and then I remember 'OH FUCK!! IT'S MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY! AND I HAVEN'T EVEN GOT HER A PRESENT YET!! But yeah, we went out to lunch on wenesday to Pata Pomadoro (again...) and I did a impression of Danny Noriega's (from American Idol) SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T LIKING IT!, which was very bad, but my mom found it lulz worthy, and that's all that matters.

And today was Easter (my second favorite holiday), which was okay, I guess. I like Easter better when it's in April instead of March. Anyhoo, I didn't really get a basket, instead I got chocolate, a few shirts, and an iTunes gift card, which was pretty sweet.

And tomorrow, I still have to go to school. Apparently, spring break isn't until next week. The fuck kind of schedule is that? Sometimes I really hate how Berkeley High plans things out.

I actually did something worth value this weekend!!!!

2008-03-17T04:22:33Z

So I pat myself on the back.....yay!!

So, I went to the Berkeley Model UN conference this weekend. Forgot to mention this but I joined the Model UN at my school, partly because it's held every Thursday at the same classroom that 4th period is held at (which is right after lunch). My country was Ghana and my committee was UNDP (United Nations Development Program). Almost during the whole thing, I didn't do jack shit, for two reasons 1)This was my first conference and I was totally unprepared and 2)No one excepts Ghana to really do anything. Maybe the U.S, the U.K. China, Russia, Japan, and some other countries but I highly doubt anyone is dying to hear what Ghana has to say. Besides, I did I speech, and risked the fact that I sounded like a total idiot and and didn't know what the hell I was talking about. So most through the committee sessions, I played Tetris on my phone and ~~unsuccessfully~~ texted my friends. But I did partly paid attention and learned some stuff.

Oh, and they're were so much hotness at the conference. And what I mean by that is "Oh that guy over there is my future baby daddy!" and "Oh, she's so pretty. If I were a lesbian, I'd totally do her!". But seriously, UC Berkeley is full of hot, sexy men. How come there's so much sexy there while there's so much fug at Berkeley High? Looks like I need to date some college students, like that will ever happen. Maybe in a year or two.

But overall, I had a great time. I actually wasn't as bored as I thought I would be during the committee sessions. But it was awfully windy and I ended up being cold most of the time because I didn't bring a jacket (I had to wear formal clothes and the only formal jacket I have is this big ass faux fur jacket that is way to small on me and is pain in the ass to carry around). This one girl in my committee, who was in Berkeley for the first time, complained how much the weather here sucks, and I kinda had to agree. Weather here is sometimes nice (like in the summer and spring) but it really was fucking windy this weekend.

Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll

2008-03-10T07:02:27Z

Yesterday I went to Erin's house and for some reason, she gave me one of her ADD meds. I took it, and for some reason I was really hyper and I pulled an all nighter by looking at random articles on Wikipedia. ( I did this ALL night). So I can successfully say that I once pulled an all nighter......with the help of speed.

Anyway.....

I'm reading this book called "All Quiet on the Western Front" for English class. Basically my copy of the book has the front cover, back cover, and inside pages rave on how great this book really is. I'm dead serious when I say that on the front cover it says Greatest War Novel Of All Time right above the title. But y'know, I think I'm in the minority because I think this book is FUCKING BORING!!! Part of the reason I chose it was because I thought WWI was an interesting topic to read about. Instead, I've read 106 pages about a guy ramble on lord knows what. But, in my opinion, I don't think it's entirely the author's fault. I mean, my version is badly translated from German. Seriously, the structure is very weird. The writing is very akward. It's written in present tense rather than past tense (although that can just be style). Also, about 85% of the time, I don't know what the hell is going on. The main character may be describing some epic fight between two soldiers and it's supposed to be meaningful or something like that but instead of being moved by this "fine" piece of literature, I'm just kinda sitting here going "Excuse me, wtf r u doin?". And I feel like I'm the only person in my class whose reading the novel and doesn't understand what's going on. I had to go on spark notes to clarify all the characters and the storyline to where I am now (speaking of character, why does every character's, except for, like ,two, name begin with the letter K? I know this is Germany and all but have some variety). Goddammit, I knew I've should've read Animal Farm.

But I promise myself that I will get through this book. Because I am not a quitter! I will finish it, no matter how hard and tedious it is to read.

Being firce is what I do best

2008-02-29T00:18:20Z

Things to do this weekend;

1)Type up my Model UN paper (I've actually have to do that on friday night because it has to be mailed out by saturday. My topic is child labor in Ghana or something)

2)Update my fanfic (the last time I even touched it was back in August!)

3)Find some way to get twenty bucks so I can go shopping on telegraph.

4)Watch Bad Boy Buddy (I got it from Netflix so I need to return it, like, soon)

5)Watch some episodes of CSI Season 1 I got for Christmas (mah babeh daddi Nick Stokes awaits me)

6)Watch Cars( the Pixar movie)

~~7)DVR The Pussycat Dolls present Girlicious~~

8)Finnish The Lovely Bones and read All Qiuet On The Western Front

...yeah. That's pretty much going to be my weekend

Oh, and I gotta stop letting paying extra for Tatiana for her to mooch of my lunch. Bitch needs to get her own food!

Getting Sentimental

2008-02-15T15:13:15Z

Valentines Day was yesterday. Since I don't have a boyfriend, the only thing I got was a box of hershey's chocolate and an iTunes gift card for $15 from my mom. And I had a few peanuts m&ms and some smarties that some classmates gave to me (well I asked) I fucking hate Valentines day.

Anyway, we have a four day weekend, but I'm going on this trip with YCamp from downtown Berkeley to Tahoe. I'm both nervous and excited. While I'm not happy I'm giving up four free days to play the Sims 2, but then again, I'm going up to the snow, which I see like, never. Besides, I have spring break coming up. Anyhoo, I'm using this trip to be more social and try to overcome my social anxiety, which is my main goal of 2008.

Oh and regarding the title of my post, I'm not getting sentimental about anything. It's actually from Real Brother Relationship from Youtube ~~it includes Megaman and Protoman getting it on.~~ Do me all a favor and watch that, along with Gustman's ass. Both are made by the guy who did It's Over 9000!! I swear to god, if you don't laugh your ass off, you don't know funny.

Exit exams

2008-02-05T07:17:00Z

Exit exams are tomorrow. In case you didn't know, in California, they determined whether you graduate or not. I hear it's really easy so, I'm not really all that nervous. The only thing that I worried about is me being ready and out the door very early since I have to be there by 7:30.
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Oh, and you may notice that I have a new icon. It's Fry from Futurama dancing to classical music (AKA "I Like Big Butts" by Sir-Mix-Alot). I've always preferred Family Guy over this show (still do, sort of, atleast the old episodes of FG) but I've always liked Futurama, and around August/September, I started watching it on Adult Swim and I really started to love it all over again. I'm seriously in love with Fry. He's like the sweetest being ever. Even if he is stupid. And Bender hilarious too. Also, Fry/Leela OTP 4EVA!! I seriously hope they get together by the end. I want them to have a ~spring wedding~ and freakish but adorable babies!

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phnix_daft_mode @ 2008-01-20T22:49:00

2008-01-21T07:42:09Z

I'm not the type of teenager who hates her parents and complains about every single detail that they do, especially when they do something understandable. I can understand most of the stuff that parents do because it's reasonable, but even so, I have a hard time getting along with my parents (and my parents, I mean my mom and aunt, Jennifer. Never really had all that much contact with my father. But my mom's very few ramblings about him, he was probably some alcoholic booze hound). Most of the time, were get along pretty well, I guess, although sometimes they forget that I'm actually sixteen. But everytime we fight, it's terrible. Very terrible.

Today I went to Bay Street with Rosie and Tatiana. When we wanted to go home, I called home to ask Jennifer to come pick us up. My mom said that Jennifer would be waiting for us in the Borders parking lot. Since Border's parking lot was some distance away, I suggested we get going. It didn't take the shortest amount of time because it was really windy and I was dumb enough to not bring a jacket. But when finally got there, I spotted Jennifer's car and started running towards it. I kinda had a feeling she was mad at me, but I figured it would pass. When I got to the car door, Jennifer started yelling at me, saying I didn't give a shit about anything but myself and she accused me of not answering her calls (which I didn't hear). She stopped yelling when Rosie and Tats came. I was really hurt but I decided not argue back for once.

See, everytime I get into an argument with either my mom or my aunt, regardless who it is, it ends up being Me vs Them because one of them tells the other how much of a brat I've been. Then the one I'm not fighting with gets mad at me, not caring to hear my side of the story. While were fighting, none of them talk to me, but I can hear them talk about me behind my back. Then after awhile, I feel bad for the fact that I'm fighting with my parents and go apologize to them, along with kissing their asses. They accept and act like nothing's happened.

I'm so fucking tired of the same old shit! I know I mess up all the time but why do I always have to be the villain? Can't mom or Jen apologize once? Don't they know that's it's rude to talk about me behind my back? Don't they know that I can hear them when they talk about me? I'm sick of crawling back to them and always saying sorry! I don't even know what I did wrong. Why should I apologize?

Anyway, I love my parents. No really, I do. I would give up my life for them, without a second thought. But this cycle needs to stop. It's almost like mental abuse. I'm not saying my life sucks, but I'm sick of this!

~Inspiration~

2008-01-09T17:16:23Z

I have late start, so I don't have to go school until 10, but I should start getting ready.

So, going back to school has been a hard transition since I had two weeks vacation. I failed my first English test of the year, and I'm pretty sure I failed my French test that I took yesterday. So schoolwise, I'm not in the best position. But I remember something that my last year P.E said (who wasn't the brightest bulb around btw). I think it was "If you have a problem, tomorrow is always another day and another opportunity to change." and I know probably most people think that quote is retarded but I've actually found it inspirational . Tomorrow is another day to turn things around. It's not too late to get back to were I was. After all, it's only been two days, lol.

Shit, I really need to get ready if I wanna be on time. Toodles!

O hai guyz! Look @ ma new icon

2008-01-03T05:04:31Z

It's from Katamari, A.K.A the best video game ever.

Ugh. I've been coughing all day. And I have a sore thoart. My life sucks. Although my thoarts is getting better.

Saw Attonement today. Well, sort of. Right in the middle, I left and wandered around the movie theater. Movie hopping technically. I saw a minute of Beowulf (in 3D!) and the last 20 minutes of Walk Hard. Then I came back to watch the rest of Atonement.

Planning to watcht the rest of season 2 of The Office as soon as I get rid of some of the stuff on my DVR.

First post of 2008!

2008-01-02T07:11:14Z

My new year celebrations went haywire. Tatiana got sick and retreated to bed by one. I wanted to play at least 100 corny songs on RealRhasody but I only got to 32 because I got into an argument with my aunt and I was exhausted by 2:45. So yeah.

Saw Sweeny Todd last night. Although none of the songs are that memorable, it was still gory and fabulous. I mean, where else are you going to see Jack Sparrow, Snape, Bellatrix Lestrange, Wormtail, and Borat interact with each other? Oh and ~~Snape~~Alan Rickman's character was fucking creepy. I was glad when ~~Jack Sparrow~~ Sweeny Todd stabbed that fucker.

Finished A Thousand Splendid Suns today. That book is hella depressing. It's still a great read, despite the fact that I prefer The Kite Runner and I felt that one of the main characters was on the verge of being a Mary Sue.

Last Post of 2007!

2008-01-01T07:57:28Z

Nothing really important except that it's going to be 2007 in about four minutes, so

GOODBYE 2007!!!!

HELLO 2008!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

New Year Resolutions

2007-12-30T22:51:51Z

I don't do New Years Resolutions often , and if I do, I usually forget about them by January 3rd. But this time, I decided that I should really go for it and make some changes. And why not do it now since the new year is coming in a few days. So after a few days of thinking, I decided what changes I'm going to make for 2008.

1) Put myself out there more Meaning joining more clubs, doing more stuff outside of school, etc

2)Talk more, be more friendly, avoid awkward moments I think one of the reasons that I have a hard time making friends in school is because I just sit there and do nothing. If I made more conversations, people would probably notice me more.

3)Work on my speech Oh boy, this is a big one. If I want to make the first two resolutions successful, I need to work on this one, big time. You see, I'm not the most charismatic person ever. Everytime I talk, it's like I'm gargling sand or something. The thing is, when I say something, no matter how simple it is, I just say it. I don't think for a second how I'm going to say it . Instead I just kinda stumble on my words. Some people are born with good speech naturally. I'm not one of them. In order to work on my speech, I'm going to talk to myself in front of my mirror every night for five minutes, and maybe talk to my mom and aunt for practice.

4)Develop better social skills Ties in with the last three. Basically, look people in the eye more. Work on speech, Try not be so tense or nervous.

5)Stop biting my nails and picking at my fingers This is a really old habit. I wanna be able to get a nice manicure by summer. I guess old habits are hard to break sometimes.

6)Read ~~moar~~ more I'm kinda sadden about how little I've read this year. Both in school and my free time. Actually, ever since the begging of the year, I've been making more of an effort to do this. But I should keep it up.

So, yeah. Those are the six main ones. Anyway, nothing special happened to me today. Got a pedicure. Went to Target and got a new backpack. It's Hello Kitty (I swear I'm not obsessed).

I'm also reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, the guy who wrote The Kite Runner. The Kite Runner was sad, but this book is just depressing. Still good though.

MERRY FUCKING CHRSITMAS

2007-12-25T17:18:23Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS (even though your birthday was probably sometime in spring)!!!!!!!11

So yeah, it's Christmas morning in California, where I am. Haven't opened my presents yet because family is being lazy but I did opened one last night and I got a lap top!!! Finally, no more computer troubles! No more using Jennifer's computer! The only downside is that I have to start alot of things over like The Sims 2 ( for the umpteenth time) and alot of my songs from my iTunes library didn't transfer on my computer. But other than that, I've couldn't been happier!

Also opened my stocking. Some of the things I got were a concealer, hot chocolate mix, footless tights, hair product, tic tacs, and the issue of OK! magazine where Jamie Lynn Spears reveals she's pregnant. Can't wait to open my gifts.

GRRR! Why is every fucking actress in Hollywood pregnant?

2007-12-19T03:53:35Z

So yesterday I watching my aunt reading People magazine when I noticed that the cover last night when I noticed one of the headings said "Jessica Alba is Pregnant" My reaction went something like this.

"Jessica Alba's pregnant? Are you serious?" I ask my aunt

"Yes." She responds. "You didn't know that?"

"No." I said. "How long has this been out?"

"Since last week."

"Oh"

*Silence"

"Uh, Who's the father?"

"Her boyfriend. That Cash Warren guy."

"Oh, right."

"You haven't been on your gossip community site that you used to go on alot, have you?"

"No I haven't"

But, she's right. I haven't been on ONTD that much later. It's because my my computer broke down, AGAIN. I'm planning to try to fix it tonight. But yeah, Jessica Alba is pregnant. I was surprised at first but then I realized that the news itself was boring, like herself. Seriously, people. She's cute and all but she isn't the most gorgeous human being on the planet, entertainment magazines. Besides, the only remotley interesting thing about her is the fact that she might have herpes.

But today, I found out that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant, which is seriously more interesting and lulz-worthy than Alba' pregnancy. There's just so many things wrong with Jamie Lynn being pregnant like, her sister doesn't have her shit together, SHE'S FUCKING SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, why would she release something like that to the public, oh, and did I forget to mention that she's only 16? The fact that she's so young is what makes this so messed up. As a sixteen year old myself, I can't imagine myself as a mother. Come on, I can barely take care of myself. If I just found out that I was pregnant, my first instinct will be to go to Planned Parenthood and abort that thing. I would love to become a mother one day. Really, it's one of my life goals. But maybe when I'm 26, not 16.

The whole thing doesn't make sense to me. There's been cases like young teenage girls in Hollywood running off, getting married, and having babies, but in this day and age? I'm surprise that Nickelodeon didn't pressure her into an abortion, or maybe they didn't know. But does she seriously think that she's going to be a good mother at that young age?I mean, just because your rich and have alot of money, doesn't mean she'll be a good mom. For christ sake, her sister is an walking example of that! Speaking of which, this incident has set the Spears family up by 3,000 points on the Trash-0-meter, which I thought was impossible, but this proved me wrong.

Wait, what the hell is wrong with me? I giving this waaaay to much dept and analysis than it deserves. Anyway, I came of laughter and excitement as well when I heard this. This will be like that time Keisha Castle-Hughes (or whatever her name is) got pregnant, except better! Watch the religious right explode and accuse the Spears family of being hypocrites. Bring on the wank! I can't wait!

Oh, and I know she isn't Hollywood, but I've also heard that Lily Allen is expecting as well ~~as long as it isn't Amy Winehouse. That would be scary.~~ Jesus, aren't there condoms well available in Hollywood? Or is every celebrity is just plain horny? Either way, 2008 is the year that we see some cute ~~or fug~~ celebrity babies.

College and shit

2007-11-20T02:18:12Z

So, like a week ago, I found out about the IB diploma, which makes you more eligible for college. Me, having been a not-so-great student and decided that I shouldn't fuck around with my school work anymore, decided that I should go for it. The thing is however, my past caught up with me. Since for some reason, I barely passed Algebra 1A in 8th grade, decided that taking IMP 1 in my freshman year was a good idea(but then I failed), and then somehow transferring to Algebra 1 in my sophomores year (Yeah, I never been good at Math, so stfu) , I'm way behind on my math credits, and in order of having any chance of getting into a good college, I have to go to community college for Algebra 2, which I'm okay with. I talked to my counselor today during lunch, and she said that I HAVE to pass Algebra 1 this year, and so far I'm doing great on that goal cause I'm getting a B+(almost an A- ) so math seems a little messed up right now but it will be fixed eventually.

As for science, I should be in Advanced Biology but for some strange reason, I'm in Biology 1. Today I found out why. It's because I'm taking Algebra 1 that I'm in Biology 1. The fuck? That makes no sense whatsoever. I have to take a class that I already took before just because I fucked up in a totally different class? And besides, since when did Math and Science go together like peas and carrots. I mean, I know there's a connection between the two but they're two completely different subjects. But the good news is that my counselor said that I should be in Adv Bio anyway, and that she is going to try and put me in a Adv bio class. I really want to get leave my current bio class. I have friends there and all but most of the class is filled with douchebags and loud asses and the teacher is never there(we always have subs). I want a real science class.

As for my IHS classes (English, History, and whatever random elective they make you take), I have it all planned out for me throughout my high school career and I'm also getting all As in all those classes, so not much to worry about there.

French, I've been thinking about taking a French class at community college along with Math, so I can be in French AP by the time I reach my senior year.

And when it comes to college itself, I'm thinking about going to college in southern California or New York city. My aunt, who works at the UC offices in Oakland and knows about this stuff, thinks it's a bad idea going to college out of state, so I might just go to college in southern California after all. My mom suggested Long Beach State, and so far I've been thinking about the possibility of going there. But who knows? I guess we'll see in the future.